The Smile That Came Back: Z’s Journey to Joy

I met Jade when I was doing my post-doctoral program in Florida. Jade once told me that the first time she saw me, she had one feeling: this person is not happy. But when we first met, I had already consciously adjusted my mind and body to present the most positive version of myself. After knowing Jade for a while, she said to me, “Z, I’ve known you for so long, why have I never seen you smile?” I was stunned, “Really? Well... give me 30 seconds, let me prepare.” Then, I tried my best to gather energy and finally forced out a smile that even I felt was stiff. It was truly hard for me to smile. How did I forget how to smile? When did it start? I used to love smiling.

After thinking for a long time, I realized that I had been immersed in academics and work for too long. For years, my life revolved around studying, research, and teaching. I always thought I was following the rules, cherishing and focusing on the present. But the work never seemed to end. I was so busy every day that I didn’t even have the time or energy to communicate with my family during meals. Whether on the bus, in taxis, or on the high-speed train, I was working on my computer. When I had some free time, I was too exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I felt like a machine running non-stop without any time for maintenance. After living like this for so long, focusing on just one thing and staying in one state, I lost awareness of other aspects of life. So when I saw Jade’s sincere and warm smile, I was stunned. I thought, “there are actually people this happy in real life.” I vaguely wished I could be that happy every day, but I had no idea how Jade managed to be so happy.

Later, she told me that a pure soul is naturally peaceful and joyful; it’s the pollution that prevents it from functioning properly. To restore its original function, you need to reduce the pollution and purify your body, mind, and soul. Since I have a background in spiritual practice, I agreed with this idea. After some discussion, Jade suddenly asked me if I wanted to start to make some changes. At that moment, I paused mid-air while making tea. If I start, I’m not sure if I can stick to it. If I don’t, it seems to contradict my principle of aligning knowledge with action. After thinking for a while, I said, “If it’s the right thing to do, then I should do it.” And so, I began to make some changes she suggested and managed to stick with them thanks to Jade’s continuous encouragement and guidance.

When I returned to my home country after my post-doctoral program, the lightness and joy I felt were undeniable. The smile on my face was the best way to reassure my family and friends my wellness, which my family had been concerned for so long. One day, while cooking, I suddenly remembered how Jade had encouraged me to practice smiling. In that moment, I felt a deep clarity inside. I didn’t just agree with the idea; I felt a strong inner power that told me I should smile. The blockage that had been preventing me from smiling, despite me wanting to, disappeared, and I was filled with joy. It had been 9 years since I stopped smiling, from when I started my PhD program until I met Jade. But it only took 9 months to regain my smile.

Jade said that this is the starting point for purifying the body, mind, and soul. Although I’ve only been on this path for 9 months, I’ve already begun to experience some of the lightness and joy that come from purification.

There’s still a long way to go, but I look forward to walking the path like Jade, preparing myself to take on responsibilities with a sincere heart, ready to accept what comes my way. One day, I hope to share my journey to true happiness and smile with many others.